Marriage – Page 7 – His Smile Lit Up a Room and Other Things to Say at My Funeral

Satan Has a Lousy Job but Someone Has to Do It

For years, I’ve told people, “Be grateful for Satan—it’s a lousy job but someone has to do it.” In Latter-day Saint theology, opposition to righteousness is absolutely required: “For it must needs, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Nephi 2:11). According to the prophet who said this, without opposition there can beContinue reading “Satan Has a Lousy Job but Someone Has to Do It”

Dark Kermit and Fried Turkeys

Years ago, Grant was a freshman at Silver Lake Regional High School. Midway through the season, he was called up to the varsity to play defensive line. This meant that he got to ditch halftime band performances where he was supposed to play clarinet. He saw a lot of action in the Thanksgiving game, whichContinue reading “Dark Kermit and Fried Turkeys”

Tradition and the Many First Thanksgivings

My sister-in-law Lee has lived all over the United States ranging from Boston to Provo to Tallahassee to Big Rapids (that’s in Michigan) to Cherry Hills (New Jersey, near Philly). Wherever she moves she then claims that her current home is the site of the first Thanksgiving. Then she cites obscure facts to back itContinue reading “Tradition and the Many First Thanksgivings”

Mental Puddle

There’s an old Bill Cosby sketch where he talks about raising a son (yes, I know … Bill Cosby; don’t @ me—it’s a good sketch and we’re not debating art from fallen artists here). Not quoting, but he says something like, “Your boy is born. As soon as you can, you put a walnut inContinue reading “Mental Puddle”

You Want Something?

When Grant was little, he spoke primarily in second person even when he wanted something. He did this in both English and Spanish. He would ask Lauren, “You want a cookie?” and he would ask me, “Quieres galleta?” Of course, he was entirely uninterested in whether we wanted cookies—he wanted them. For years, I wonderedContinue reading “You Want Something?”

The Haunting of Greenhill Manor

Our house is only twenty-three years old, we know the last owners, no one has died in it, and aside from being on Wamsutta’s and Metacomet’s old hunting ground, we know of no reason that it should be haunted. And yet. Last night, the house alarm jarred us awake at 1:45 am. This has happenedContinue reading “The Haunting of Greenhill Manor”

The Battle of the Towels

On Thursdays, we commemorate and reignite the Battle of the Towels. The Battle of the Towels goes to the root of our marriage naturally. It goes like this. One Thursday, I took my morning shower, got out, and found an empty towel hook. In fact, I found nothing but empty towel hooks. All the towelsContinue reading “The Battle of the Towels”

How to Stay Married for Twenty-Five Years

In April of this coming year, Lauren and I will have been married for twenty-five years. How have we done it? I’m glad you asked. Conversations like the following reveal how. Tuesday night, I had school committee business to present to the Halifax Board of Selectmen. Lauren volunteered to drive Graham to the church forContinue reading “How to Stay Married for Twenty-Five Years”

Follow the Clues

Look carefully. What do you see? You think that’s a belt on the basement stairs, right? How about this? Just a sock on the stairs to the second floor, right? Right? Try this. Have you put the pieces together yet? No? More clues: Clear now? No? Sigh. It looks like household clutter and stuff inContinue reading “Follow the Clues”