A Comprehensive Guide to Potty Training

She is not like Grant. She plays quietly with dolls, cuddles easily, and hates being dirty. She has transitioned out of diapers and pees easily on the potty. The man walks through the kitchen into the hall. A noise from the half bathroom at the end causes him to turn. She is sitting on theContinue reading “A Comprehensive Guide to Potty Training”

Most Teams Celebrate When They Win

The man’s oldest son started football for Silver Lake when he was ten. They went 0-8 that year. That same group of kids has never won a varsity game since mighty mites. The man and his friend are the new the Silver Lake seventh and eighth grade coaches this season. They have dumped the oldContinue reading “Most Teams Celebrate When They Win”

Purple Heart Funeral

The man’s youngest son discovered Oversimplify on YouTube on his own around age eight, which made him an unlikely authority on eras of history that most people know little about. Now, he often says things like, “Can you believe people thought Czar Nicholas was so bad? Apparently, they haven’t heard of Leopold II of Belgium!”Continue reading “Purple Heart Funeral”

It’s a Test

Lauren’s parents live in the Boston area. On the night the young man and Lauren got engaged, they went to Granny’s house to call their parents. They had known each other for more than two years since they had served as missionaries together; she had come to his house at Thanksgiving, but he had neverContinue reading “It’s a Test”

Why Don’t They Call it Lawyer Pibb?

What do you call two thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? Progress. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a shark? The shark doesn’t charge you after eating you alive. What do you say to a drowning lawyer? I have no idea. Good! The young man’s dad is a lawyer. Dad laughs alongContinue reading “Why Don’t They Call it Lawyer Pibb?”

There Once Was a Man from Boston

They are having family home evening, and the young man is sitting on the couch with Stephen and Ruthanne. They have moved past the lesson, and their parents are telling stories of their early courtship. “So your dad invited me over to dinner to meet his parents for the first time,” says the young man’sContinue reading “There Once Was a Man from Boston”

The No-Headed Lady

In the 1980s, the legends of both Ted Bundy and Gary Gilmore are alive and fresh in Utah and Salt Lake Counties, so it doesn’t help the boy that his grandmother’s house is insecure, creepy, and haunted. Insecure? The kids all sleep in an unfinished basement where wood scaffolding stands unfinished; the floor is coldContinue reading “The No-Headed Lady”

His Dad’s Final Joke

Stephen, Bob Bolster, Bill Settle, Jerry Kizerian, and the man stand over their father’s body. He is laid out on a metallic table and covered in a sheet. The temple clothes are folded next to him, and the man has a pair of garments to dress him in. Dad looks pasty and puffy, not reallyContinue reading “His Dad’s Final Joke”

His Son Is Trying to Kill Him

Their son does not like anything the man does for him. He hates having his diaper changed, cries like he is being killed. When the man goes to give the boy his first bath, the man’s mother in law insists, “Babies love their baths!” But Grant does not: he screams bloody murder through it. OnContinue reading “His Son Is Trying to Kill Him”

That’s What They Expect You to Do in the Church

The young man has been fasting today. He wants to confirm that he should marry Lauren Elliott of Massachusetts, a sister he knew from his mission and has been dating since coming home. The day has not gone as he expected. He and Lauren got in an argument at church. He has had a splittingContinue reading “That’s What They Expect You to Do in the Church”