Never underestimate the ingenuity and determination of dogs. When Lu and Brayden lived with us, Bowie and Benny were constantly escaping and dashing all over the neighborhood. Before I could get them corralled, someone would post in the Highland Woods Facebook group something like, “Just saw two fluffy black dogs dash through my yard! Leashes still attached! Hope they find their way home!” and Lindsay would screenshot that, text the family, and say, “Dad, how often is this going to happen?”
Months ago, Bowie was diagnosed with a condition of his second eyelid. Bet you didn’t know dogs have TWO eyelids for each eye! I didn’t either. Apparently, his right underlying eyelid was inverted or something and it would have to be surgically repaired. That surgery finally happened this past week. The next two days, Lu left Bowie and Benny with us because she was working in Boston and Brayden had school. Bowie is stuck in the cone of shame for thirteen days. On day one, things were fine—like any dog, he doesn’t love the cone of shame, but Bowie managed well.
Day two, though. Oof. I was in the middle of a meeting when the boys charged in from Lauren’s office and began wrestling. I heard plastic being crunched and scratched it. I have iMessage on my computer, so mid-meeting, I furiously texted Lauren, “The boys are wrestling, and I think they are attacking the cone of shame. I am in a meeting. Can you help?”
No response. I glanced behind me and saw a version of this.
But I was on camera and stuck, and apparently, Lauren was too. By the time I finished my meeting, Bowie was joyfully bounding around the house without the cone of shame, while Benny finished annihilating it—pieces of it were everywhere across the front room, and the little hooks that kept it together were shredded. Benny had the main piece in his mouth and merrily chomped on it.
I quickly texted Lu and Brayden, which got this response from Lu, “Oh gosh” and this from Brayden, “Little shits.”
Brayden stopped on his way back from school at Petco to get two new cones of shame. I would love to tell you that everything has gone smoothly since.
It hasn’t.
We went to dinner with Lu and Brayden Friday night. They put the boys in their deluxe crate in the living room while we were out. When we came back, Benny had once again freed Bowie from the new cone of shame. It took Brayden and me both to get it back on.
The next day, Brayden and Lu had to go somewhere, and they put up a barrier in the crate to keep the two dogs from conspiring. So Bowie just freed himself from the crate, tore open a bag, and helped himself to some chocolate (yes, we know it’s poisonous to dogs; yes, he’s fine). Even better, the chocolates were individually wrapped. Lu and Brayden found all the carefully unwrapped wrappers all over their bedroom. No one is quite sure how Bowie got out of the crate.
Today, in the middle of Church, we got this text from Lu: Little shit just took off the cone of shame right in front of us.
Me: How did he do that?
Lu: We don’t know. We weren’t looking right at him when he did it.
So this is what we’ve evolved to. We started with Benny doing Bowie a solid, and now we have Bowie as a full escape artist, able to slip out of crates and remove the cone of shame, capable of breaking into wrapped chocolate and delicately unwrapping each, piece by piece. It’s been six days. Here’s hoping we all get through seven more so he can get his stitches out.
His Smile Lit Up a Room and Other Things to Say at My Funeral 
Who knew dogs were such slaves to fashion. Hoping everybody has healed up well.
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