The kids and I frequently trade texts about music—they’ll each send me something they just heard and say, “Check this out, it’s awesome” or “This song goes hard” or “Sooooo goood.” A few months ago, I stumbled on “Czar” by Busta Rhymes. Yeah, I know Busta is old, but Lucia and Lindsay both like ninetiesContinue reading “Brand New Czar”
Tag Archives: Sons
How to Celebrate a Teen Boy’s Birthday: Chick Talk, Potty Humor, Wiener Jokes
The first of Graham’s buddies arrived on the dot at five pm. Lindsay and I were in the front room with the Iron Bowl on, and within two minutes, Lindsay looked at me and said, “Oh my gosh, it’s already so loud and only one of them is here.” Four more arrived within fifteen minutes,Continue reading “How to Celebrate a Teen Boy’s Birthday: Chick Talk, Potty Humor, Wiener Jokes”
Satan Has a Lousy Job but Someone Has to Do It
For years, I’ve told people, “Be grateful for Satan—it’s a lousy job but someone has to do it.” In Latter-day Saint theology, opposition to righteousness is absolutely required: “For it must needs, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Nephi 2:11). According to the prophet who said this, without opposition there can beContinue reading “Satan Has a Lousy Job but Someone Has to Do It”
Dark Kermit and Fried Turkeys
Years ago, Grant was a freshman at Silver Lake Regional High School. Midway through the season, he was called up to the varsity to play defensive line. This meant that he got to ditch halftime band performances where he was supposed to play clarinet. He saw a lot of action in the Thanksgiving game, whichContinue reading “Dark Kermit and Fried Turkeys”
Nimrod the Mighty Hunter
I am going hunting this week. This is a great source of mockery and fun for the kids. I have had a hunting license for probably twelve or thirteen years. I have an archery tag, turkey tag, and an antlerless deer tag (the license comes with two buck tags). I own no rifles or shotgunsContinue reading “Nimrod the Mighty Hunter”
Praise God
Grant has never slept in. It never mattered what time he went to bed—he was always up at first light, usually around six am. We’d hear his feet hit the ground, the patter of his sprint, then feel the collision as he jumped on me and exclaimed, “Hi, Dad!” This weekend, we traveled to PoughkeepsieContinue reading “Praise God”
You Want Something?
When Grant was little, he spoke primarily in second person even when he wanted something. He did this in both English and Spanish. He would ask Lauren, “You want a cookie?” and he would ask me, “Quieres galleta?” Of course, he was entirely uninterested in whether we wanted cookies—he wanted them. For years, I wonderedContinue reading “You Want Something?”
We Need an Intervention
Periodically, at the absolute peak of his playfulness, Dobby attacks my shoes or pant legs, then breaks into a full-on zoomie (as seen in the video). If you’re not a dog person, a zoomie occurs when a dog begins racing around madly, often in a circle. The term zoomie is widespread on the Internet, andContinue reading “We Need an Intervention”
I Am the Christmas Creep
When Dobby goes to the groomer, they always tie on him a little bandana in the spirit of whatever time of year it is. So yesterday, he got a fall bandana with pumpkins, gourds, and falling leaves. I was chopping vegetables for meals this week, and I had turned on a Christmas playlist. Graham wanderedContinue reading “I Am the Christmas Creep”
Pass the Cheese, Please
This is our container for grated cheese. Notice the metal grater on the other side. When the cheese is low, we attach the grater, as shown, and grate more cheese. Of course, the use of “we” in this context is restricted. Why? The other day, I was warming something, and just at the critical moment,Continue reading “Pass the Cheese, Please”
His Smile Lit Up a Room and Other Things to Say at My Funeral 