When Lauren and I were engaged, we bought a Dodge Neon. The car was a funky shade of purple but the dealer key labeled it blue, so we called it Blue Thunder. It had a number of unique, uh, features, the best one being a trunk with a poor weather seal. When it rained, waterContinue reading “Rising Again from the Swamp”
Tag Archives: In-laws
Fairy Order Must Be Restored and a Dispatch from the USS Taylor Swift
I was away for thirty-six hours on a business trip, and when I came home, I found that everything had fallen apart and that’s it every man for himself here at Greenhill Manor. Inasmuch as I am the only full-grown adult man at Greenhill Manor, that means it’s me for myself. The Fairy System utterlyContinue reading “Fairy Order Must Be Restored and a Dispatch from the USS Taylor Swift”
The Elliott Women Are a Mafia Rewriting Our History, and I Am Here to Stop Them
The assault on the memory of Peaceful Meadows continues. Lauren’s sister Lisa is in town to visit her mother, and as a former lover of Peaceful Meadows, she desperately needed to try Porn Star Farms’ ice cream to see if it was a suitable replacement. So we had Grammie and Lisa over for dinner SaturdayContinue reading “The Elliott Women Are a Mafia Rewriting Our History, and I Am Here to Stop Them”
One Weird Trick to Save Your Relationship
Having been married continuously to one woman and no one else for nearly twenty-five years and being the father of two married or getting-married children, I am in an excellent position to give marital advice, and obviously my advice is needed now more than ever. And with my robust following of approximately six readers, IContinue reading “One Weird Trick to Save Your Relationship”
Revenge Is a Cinnamon Roll with Cream Cheese Frosting
When Grant was born, we spent three days at Brigham & Women’s hospital so Lauren could recover from her C-section. During that time, Grant became a small legend in the nursery among the nurses. He was so big (10 lbs 1 oz) that they would hold him up when the birthing mothers class would walkContinue reading “Revenge Is a Cinnamon Roll with Cream Cheese Frosting”
Welcome to the Goons, Brayden
Last year, through a variety of tragicomic circumstances, we were forced to replace a car. We opted for a small SUV, and one of its perks was that it has Apple CarPlay. This makes it far easier to deal with messages and calls hands-free. Lindsay and I took the new car on one of itsContinue reading “Welcome to the Goons, Brayden”
Hills Worth Dying On
Just before Christmas, I bought myself a book on the Battle of Verdun in The Great War. I buy physical books for myself around Christmas, my Dad’s birthday, and the anniversary of his death as presents from him to me, so to speak. Verdun was a cataclysm nearly unmatched in the history of the worldContinue reading “Hills Worth Dying On”
Do Not Go Toward the Light
When my in-laws Marti and Leon lived in Norton, we often went to their house for dinner on Sundays. Lauren and Marti usually made either pot roast with potatoes and carrots or pasta and meatballs. Both were served with salad—twigs and leaves, Leon called it since it was always spring mix. Leon didn’t like twigsContinue reading “Do Not Go Toward the Light”
Tradition and the Many First Thanksgivings
My sister-in-law Lee has lived all over the United States ranging from Boston to Provo to Tallahassee to Big Rapids (that’s in Michigan) to Cherry Hills (New Jersey, near Philly). Wherever she moves she then claims that her current home is the site of the first Thanksgiving. Then she cites obscure facts to back itContinue reading “Tradition and the Many First Thanksgivings”
It’s a Test
Lauren’s parents live in the Boston area. On the night the young man and Lauren got engaged, they went to Granny’s house to call their parents. They had known each other for more than two years since they had served as missionaries together; she had come to his house at Thanksgiving, but he had neverContinue reading “It’s a Test”
His Smile Lit Up a Room and Other Things to Say at My Funeral 