I like to read over meals if I am not in the company of others, so at lunch recently, I settled into my meal with my reading glasses and my Stephen Sears book on Lincoln’s management of the Army of the Potomac. Lindsay came upon me, snapped a picture, and sent it to the Goons. She asked why I preferred Mom’s reading glasses.
Me: They’re my reading glasses.
Lindsay: They look like something Mom would wear.
Me: Mom bought new reading glasses ergo these are now mine.
Lindsay: OMG, you are totally Young Sheldon.
And then she posted this TikTok she had made.
Sigh. But we couldn’t just leave that alone, could we? Tonight at dinner, Lindsay said, “Mom, how does it feel that Dad looks better in your reading glasses than you do?”
“Does he, though?” said Lauren.
“Eh, I don’t know,” said Lindsay. “I wanted to see your reaction.”
Graham chimed in, “Know who would look the best in those reading glasses?”
They all then looked at poor Dobby sitting in the front room. That led to another picture and the creation of this meme with the note on the Goons saying, “Like father, like son.”
This is, of course, a fallacious picture. Dobby is, in fact, perfect and in no need of glasses. So he is not like father at all.
Speaking of Dobby, the family joke for several months has been that Dobby arranged for Lindsay’s early graduation from high school so she could leave and get out of his space. Further, the allegation is that he has Carson on an allowance for tending to her and keeping her out of his face. When Carson found out about Lindsay’s knee surgery, he FaceTimed Lindsay that evening and said, “Hey, put Dobby on.”
Lindsay held Dobby up to the camera and said, “What’s going on?”
Carson said, “Dobby, we need to talk about my allowance. It needs to go up. She’s getting this surgery, and now I’m going to have to drive her everywhere and deal with all her neediness even more.”
“So rude,” Linsday said.
“So what do you say, Dobby?” Carson said.
Dobby stared into the camera for a long moment, turned away from Carson, aimed his butt at the camera, and lay down. In fact, it was made clear to everyone that Dobby was unhappy about Lindsay’s extra days being at home so she could do the surgery and he was considering a cut to Carson’s allowance, especially given that Lauren intends to room with Lindsay for three days to be the caregiver.
So it’s hard times around here with a lot of tension. By the time most of you (maybe four out of six?) read this, Lindsay will be in surgery or even out of it. Dobby, of course, will have suffered far worse—he will have gone to the groomer, will smell like flowers and be wearing a bandana, and be inclined to cut all benefits to everyone everywhere.
Lindsay did get a last meal of homemade chicken nuggets, tater tots, and spinach (she ate no spinach—in fact, no one but me ate spinach, and everyone got lectured for that). Prayers up for Lindsay and for Dobby.
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His Smile Lit Up a Room and Other Things to Say at My Funeral 