Who Learnt Lindsay How to Reed and Spoke?

Lauren’s mother traditionally sends Mindy mints from Mrs. Cavanaugh’s to her kids on Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Christmas. These are usually large mint chocolate hearts or eggs with our names on them. Lauren has started the tradition with our kids and their significant others. They were such big hits with Lindsay and Carson that Carson begged for more Mindy mints, and Lindsay’s friend Stella professed her desire for a named egg.

Naturally, Lauren obliged, and the Lock Haven crowd got their additional chocolates this weekend. Lindsay and Carson made this review and posted it to TikTok, and I am really struggling with it.

I understand if you don’t watch the full two and a half minutes, but just watch and listen to Lindsay as she unveils the box. What on God’s green earth does she say? The box clearly says Mrs. Cavanaugh’s. Whatever she says, it’s definitely not what the box says. And this calls into question everything I thought I knew about her education. They don’t teach cursive in our local schools anymore, but it was still part of the curriculum when she went through. Did she forget how to read it, or can she not read multi-syllabic words in print or cursive?

We’ve all heard about stellar athletes who couldn’t really read or do math but were passed from grade to grade anyway because of their supernal gifts. Was that Lindsay?

We had no evidence to support a conclusion like that. She was an honor roll student forever; she was in National Honor Society; she graduated high school a year early, is in the honors college at Lock Haven, and made the Dean’s List her first semester.

Yet, Lauren had to send a voice memo on how to pronounce Mrs. Cavanaugh’s. Are Massachusetts schools incredibly overrated?

I’m lost, readers. Reality is an illusion. Darth Vader looms nearby whispering to people about me: “And now his failure is complete.”

The only redeeming part of this day is that Dobby spent yesterday eating regular dog food. All of a sudden, he loves chicken and vegetables again. I understand if he’s unable to read the package, though.

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