Riverboat Gambler Graham

This weekend is the biggest betting weekend of the year. The American Gaming Association estimates that $23.1 billion will be bet on the Big Game. FanDuel has literally hundreds of prop bets you can “invest” in, ranging from the length of the National Anthem (folks, it’s prerecorded—someone already knows how long it is!) to the coin flip to player props like rushing yards, passing yards, touchdowns, and so forth. This is the matchup that nobody wanted since it involves two teams in a rematch of a couple of years ago who also always seem to be around. (There’s also something going on about a pop superstar, but I forget what, though you could probably bet on whether she makes it since she’ll have to overcome massive jet lag to do it.) So a lot of people are betting on this game just to give them some rooting interest and stakes in the game.

The Laws household does have a serious gambler living at home, and he, too, is betting big this weekend. At least according to him. Graham has the Patriot League indoor meet on Saturday at 4:30 pm. It’s apparently a big deal for a freshman to make the cut, and Graham qualified in both the mile and the two-mile. Qualifying meant that he had to have a top 24 time in the mile at some point during the season and a top 12 time in the two-mile. Given the distances and how hard the races are, most guys just pick one to run at the league meet. But not Riverboat Gambler Graham!

“Dad, G Moore is super conservative,” he informed me as he got into the car after a track workout this week. “G Moore” is “Coach Moore,” the head coach in track.

“How so?” I said.

“He’s trying to get me to focus on just the two-mile cuz he thinks I can make it to state.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I want to do the mile and try to qualify for freshman nationals, and they don’t have the two-mile for freshmen at nationals.”

“Okay,” I said. “Your best is 4:56 and what do you have to hit to qualify?”

“4:49.”

“That’s a lot to cutoff in one race. G Moore may be right.”

“I’m a gambler,” said Graham. “I’m going for the bigger payoff. Maybe I can even pull off both.”

“Well, what’s the bigger payoff?”

“DAAAAAD, nationals is bigger than state,” Graham said in his ‘you’re-in-idiot’ tone.

“But if you have a better chance of making state in another event, that seems like more of a guarantee.”

“But state doesn’t have a bag,” he said.

“A bag?”

“Yeah. The New Balance bag you get at nationals is wicked cool. Even G Moore told me he respects me for wanting to get the bag.”

“Like, a track bag?”

“Yeah, to carry your water and spikes and stuff.”

“So this is about a bag.”

“Yes.”

“But you could get major clout by being a freshman at states.”

“Yeah, but if you have the New Balance nationals bag, anywhere you go, people are like, ‘Woah.'”

“So there’s more clout with the bag. In your opinion, anyway.”

“That’s right,” he said.

“So you’re gonna do it your way,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m gambling on myself.”

May you all be blessed with the same self-confidence and self-possession, and may all your Super Bowl bets hit.

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