On our way to Grant’s game at Fordham, we stopped at an UNO’s Pizzeria for dinner. We don’t do it often, but occasionally Lauren and I will split entrees and share them. One of my objections to this is I always have to be the person who orders the loaded mac n cheese or sausage pizza or surf and turf while Lauren orders the salad. Our kids noticed this a few years ago and started teasing us about this: Dad always gets the giant entree and mom is always like, ‘I’ll just have the salad, dressing on the side please.’
Well, this particular night, I turned the tables, ordered first, asked for the Cobb salad, and looked knowingly at Lauren who laughed and rolled her eyes. Then I sent this text to the family:
Mom and I are sharing pizza and Cobb salad at UNO’s. I ordered first and got the salad. Suck it!
Our phones blew up.
Lindsay: HA!
Lu: Oh no!
Lindsay: Get wrecked, Mom!
Lu: The world is upside down.
Lauren: Dad ordered it and then looked at me like this:
Lu: I don’t doubt it. He was like this:
Lauren: Dad took the W tonight.
Lu: Mom was like this:
What can I say? Dear Lauren, you fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is, ‘never get involved in a land war in Asia,’ but only slightly less well-known is this: ‘Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!‘”
(I’m not Sicilian. No one died.)
His Smile Lit Up a Room and Other Things to Say at My Funeral 