February 13 is a big day in Laws family mythology. A year ago, I posted about this on Facebook, noting that the day marked twenty-four years since I had asked Lauren to marry me. And of course, I included appropriate messages of love, celebration, and self-denigration. I thought it was all pretty clear, but sure enough, about a hundred messages flooded in wishing us a happy anniversary. So when our actual anniversary came up, I didn’t bother posting again lest I add more to the confusion.
Folks, most people don’t get married on the day they propose. So in fact, today is the anniversary of our engagement and not our wedding anniversary. Our wedding anniversary is April 24. So to be doubly clear, today marks twenty-five years since I asked Lauren to marry me. And an awkward ask it was.
Me: Are you giggling because I might just sit here and ask ‘do you wanna get married?’
Lauren: Are you asking?
Me: Yes
Lauren: Yes, I do.
Me: And the real question is ‘do you wanna get married to me?’
What a moment! Ladies, you could only be so lucky!
Anyway, she said yes then made us immediately head to my Grandmother’s house so we could wake up our families with the news because there’s no backing out once you’ve told everyone.
We are pleased not to have gotten engaged on Valentine’s Day, which would have been sooooo cliche, and we are definitely not cliche (he says as he arranges the heart box of chocolates in his carry on).
With that all cleared up, I have an important travel advisory or pro tip. Hotel rooms these days can usually be classified as “wall thermostat” or “no wall thermostat.” The former are new or remodeled rooms, and the thermostat controls the heating and cooling box that blows all night. The latter have the same said boxes but the settings must be operated on the boxes themselves.
Typically, when on business in Utah, I stay in a Marriott that is about two years old, and it has all the appearances of being a type 1. I walked in after ten pm Sunday night and found the box blowing cool air, the thermostat down to 56. This is normal. To save energy, the unit is often shut off or set to fan when no one is in it. I set the thermostat to 68, made sure it was on heat, and … nothing. Heat never kicked on, the fan just blew. I went to bed with the room at 56 and woke up with it being 54. I tried not to get out of bed to use the restroom lest my icicle body be found on the bathroom tile a day or two later.
In the morning, I bundled up and headed out for a run. I stopped at the front desk where a woman roughly my age with blue and green dyed hair sat at the desk.
“Hi,” I said. “There’s nothing to do about it now. I’m just gonna run, then clean up and head out. But my room is 54 degrees. The thermostat isn’t talking to the wall unit.”
“Oh was it like that all night?”
“Yes,” I said.
“You should have called us.”
“I got in past ten. I thought it would kick on.”
“We would have come up.”
“I was just trying …”
“To crash? Okay. So the thing is sometimes you have to reboot the wall unit to make it synch with the thermostat.”
“Okay. I mean, I don’t know how I would have known that. But you might want to check it out after I leave.”
“Yeah, that’s how they are sometimes.”
“Um, okay. It’s just … never mind.”
“What room was it?”
“411.”
“Okay, thanks.”
When I got back from my run, I figured I might as well try to reboot the damn thing myself. So I touched the digital display, and it brightened up. The fan setting was on cool. I looked for a power off button, but decided instead to press the temp button. It switched to heat. The unit shuddered, switched fan speeds, and started blowing warm air.
Sigh. So you see, dear readers, there are actually three types of rooms: the third is one where anything goes and you have to align the thermostat and the stupid box or take your life in your own hands.
No doubt, like Ms. Multicolor, you see this as my fault with a list of things I should have done, and instead of trying to help out the next room occupant, I was obviously trying to blame the staff and get something free.
Realizing this, I now accept that our anniversary misunderstanding last year was my fault. I clearly said it was the day I asked Lauren to marry me, but I should have known you would think otherwise.
I accept all blame. Follow me for more travel pro tips. Next up: self-flagellation with hotel staff and what it will buy you.
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