I Lost Another Round in the Battle of the Towels

Yesterday morning, Lauren took Graham to an early ortho appointment. When I finished my workout, I found the basket of dirty laundry in the middle of our bedroom—this is Lauren’s cue to me to add my dirty workout clothes and start the laundry once I go downstairs. I did as expected and even moved the whites from the washer to the dryer and started it. When Lauren came home, she exclaimed, “Oh wow, you took care of the laundry! Thank you!” As though that was not the expectation all along … and as though she had not just fired a massive hidden barrage in the Infamous Battle of the Towels.

“Wait, what?” you say. “You said nothing about towels.”

Yesterday evening, I was about to brush my teeth before bed, and Lauren came into the restroom. She laughed, “All the towels in the house got cleaned … except yours. Sorry about that.”

“Oh. Why didn’t mine get cleaned?”

“Well, I left it out for you so you wouldn’t be without a towel cuz I know you hate that.”

“But took every other towel in the house?”

“I put them all in the laundry.”

“But never got mine.”

“The laundry that I left in our bedroom for you to take down.”

“Oh, I see. So now it’s my fault that you didn’t wash my towel.”

“The idea was for you to add your towel to the laundry when you were done.”

“Which I would have known how?”

“By all the towels that were literally sitting on top of the laundry.” I was dead silent for a couple of moments. “I mean, I thought of texting you from the ortho, but I didn’t want to insult you with the obvious. Cuz that never works out for me either.”

Finally, I sighed and said, “There was really no way for me to win here.”

“There was,” said Lauren.

“An extremely unlikely, narrow way for me to win.”

“I mean, I hope you can live with a dirty towel.”

Indeed.

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