Even good marriages have tough moments—there are conflicts, hidden wounds from childhood that surface, times where partners hurt each other, confessions we must make. Yes, confessions. Because what’s done in the dark behind our spouses’ backs can never be hidden forever.
We were riding in the car to one of Graham’s events, and Lauren said, “Hey, you know those bagels I got?”
“I know there are some on the counter.”
“Yeah, well, I got them from Porn Star farms,” she said.
You may recall our recent forced migration from Peaceful Meadows to Hornstra Farms for ice cream and how Lauren immediately declared her undying love for them. Well, Lauren doubled down on them further by signing up for milk delivery service. Yes, we literally have a milk man now who brings us milk and chocolate milk in bottles. (In totally unrelated news, I mysteriously gained five pounds this week. Doesn’t worry me in the least.)
“I see,” I said.
“You can order lots of different stuff from Porn Star Farms and the milk man just brings it. So he brings not only milk but bagels and whatever else you want.”
“Sounds great,” I said.
“The milk man is my new best friend. Getting to know him well.”
“That doesn’t sound shady in the least,” I said.
“I thought you might be bothered by that.”
“I’ve been living with it forever. Graham’s not my kid, for one.”
“That wasn’t the point.” Lauren shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Anyway, what I was trying to say was those bagels are wicked good—“
“Look,” I said, “I’ve been eating the homemade bread from Michelle’s bakery. I can’t just eat every bread product that comes into the house.”
“Hold on,” she said. “Let me finish what I was trying to say. It’s fine that you’re eating the bread. It’s just that if you go to eat a bagel, well, I have something to tell you.”
I sighed. “Go ahead.”
“I’ve been eating just the bottoms. Cuz that’s the part of the bagel I like best. Everything left in there is just the tops.”
“Really?” I said.
“And I know that’s really bad. And I’m sorry. I think it’s kind of like eating just the crust of the tuna casserole.”
“Oh that’s what you think, huh?”
“So I’m hoping we can put this behind us?”
I just shook my head. “I prefer the tops anyway.”
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