I collect old letters and records, mostly from the Civil War era but some going back to the Colonial and Revolutionary periods. In the last six months, I acquired a letter between two cousins in the Putnam family of New England; I also acquired a Putnam letter from the early 1800s confirming the family’s involvement in the slave trade. Lauren is descended from the Putnams, and as I was researching, a name caught my attention: Honorable John Hathorne. Wait. Isn’t that … oh yes, yes it is …
The “Honorable” John Hathorne was one of the lead justices in the Salem witch trials and has the dubious distinction of permitting spectral evidence in the proceedings. Worse, while accusers and judges alike later confessed their errors in the hysteria, the “honorable” judge was unrepentant for his entire life. His relatives were embarrassed by him and the famous Scarlet Letter author Nathaniel Hawthorne allegedly added a w to his last name to disassociate himself from his ancestor.
I ran a quick check to see our relationship: the judge was married to my wife’s first cousin ten times removed (what that means is Lauren and his wife would be first cousins if born in the same generation … ten times removed means “going back ten generations”).
Whoa.
Then I thought, I think there was a Putnam at the center of the trials. Oh, indeed there was: Anne Putnam, one of the young girls who falsely accused neighbors of witchcraft. In particular, she accused Rebecca Nurse who was later hung.
Anne’s relation to Lauren: second cousin eight times removed.
Well, if we could bend space and time, we could have some really interesting Thanksgiving dinners (“Cousin Anne, tell us again how you gaslit a whole town to kill some wicked old boomers”).
Naturally, I shared this exciting news with Lauren and her sisters, and we all texted back and forth about our various ancestral skeletons. Then Mere upped the stakes.
Mere: I bet a Christmas ball is the healing event all our ancestors need!
Oof. You may recall my undying hatred of the Christmas ball—the tissue ball with tiny useless “presents” interweaved.
Lee: Erica [her daughter] added homemade Magnets to this years Xmas ball!
Mere: Those are adorable!!
Lisa: Almost worth doing a Christmas ball to get those!
Lee: A Christmas ball is ALWAYS worth it!
Lisa: 😬
Totally 🤐
Me: Anne was so bored during the Christmas ball that she invented witch accusations to liven things up
Lee: doesn’t make any sense? Who would be bored during a Christmas ball???
Me: Anne. Me. Almost everyone
Lee: Just you two. Almost no one else
You just haven’t had the right Xmas ball
Me: They probably made the accused do the Christmas ball till they confessed
Lee: Frankly for someone who hates it, he sure mentions it a lot. “Christmas ball, Christmas ball, Christmas ball!”
Me: Mere did. I didn’t. But it’s totally your family to falsely accuse people of stuff they didn’t do
Lee: Whoa. Touché Gordon
His Smile Lit Up a Room and Other Things to Say at My Funeral 