Brand New Czar

The kids and I frequently trade texts about music—they’ll each send me something they just heard and say, “Check this out, it’s awesome” or “This song goes hard” or “Sooooo goood.” A few months ago, I stumbled on “Czar” by Busta Rhymes. Yeah, I know Busta is old, but Lucia and Lindsay both like nineties rock, Grant can get behind some older rap and hip hop (although, he once said Biggie was low-rent Rick Ross and nearly got kicked out of the house), and even Graham loves himself some Snoop. I sent “Czar” to Grant and told him, “This goes hard. Really like the hook under the lyrics.” Grant wrote back, “It’s good, Dad, but Busta is Dad Rap.”

Well, whatever. The song is from 2020, and it’s in my playlist. Recently, it came up while Graham and I were riding together, and Graham said suddenly, “Come on, Dad. This melody could be a Christmas song.”

Wait, what?

“Stooop, Graham. That melody jams. You could get a stadium going wild for that.”

“I mean, sure,” said Graham. “If they like ‘Silent Night’ or ‘What Child Is This?'”

“Dude, you have to stop. You literally have no idea what you’re saying.”

He dropped it, but later, we were in the car with Lauren and had Christmas music on. The intro to Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” came on and Graham said, “Is this a rap song from the 1940s?”

“Graham!”

“Sounds a lot like ‘Czar’ to me, anyway.”

“You’re fixin to walk home.”

Up next was “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson.

“This is practically the exact same intro as ‘Czar,’ Dad,” Graham said.

“Graham!”

“Just say it in your mind, Dad. ‘Look, bitch, it’s my city.'”

“I’m gonna drop you when we get home.”

Then came Mariah Carey, “All I Want for Christmas is You.”

“So this is pretty much ‘All I Want for Christmas is ‘Czar,'” said Graham.

“Now you’re trashing on two legends—Busta and Mariah.”

“Mariah’s not a legend, Dad.”

“How’s your brain doing, kid? Chris Rock intro’d ‘Czar,’ and even Meek Mill name checks Mariah in ‘Dreams and Nightmares.’ Meek Mill thinks she’s a legend.”

“Well, ‘Czar’ sounds like her song.”

Ugh. Have you noticed that Graham can’t drop anything? That he will fight for his viewpoint to the death?

So in a similar vein, the battle over Christmas music continues. Wait, you say, isn’t it in the acceptable time period now? Why yes, dear reader, it is! Black Friday was last week! Has that stopped Graham?

I got the following screenshot from him today.

And beneath it was this text: Hey dad.

Right. Cuz I’m the only one in the family listening to Christmas music.

I’m flying home from Utah tonight after two days of intense meetings. I’m looking forward to decompressing a bit. I could put on some low-key Christmas music, relax, and dream of a white Christmas . . . just like the Czar I used to know.