Periodically, at the absolute peak of his playfulness, Dobby attacks my shoes or pant legs, then breaks into a full-on zoomie (as seen in the video). If you’re not a dog person, a zoomie occurs when a dog begins racing around madly, often in a circle. The term zoomie is widespread on the Internet, and Lindsay recently sent me an Instagram reel with a piglet doing a zoomie. So this appears to be common in the animal kingdom, and zoomies appear to be natural.
Dobby’s are not natural. I’ve recently discovered this. He does them because he’s on coke.
When Graham finished the cross country divisional meet, he vowed to take a full week off of running. Lauren and I secretly bet that he couldn’t do it—he’s way too compulsive . . . to the point that he walks in circles around the house to get in whatever step count he’s trying to reach on his Garmin watch. Finally, four days into his week of no running, he walked Dobby, and shortly after, I saw him heading to the basement dressed in a running tank top.
“Whatcha doin, pal?” I said. “You gonna run on the treadmill?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“I thought you were taking a week off.”
“Dad, I can’t just be one of those kids who goes home from school and does nothing.”
Yes, readers, I got the Daaaad even though I was asking Graham about what he himself had said.
A couple of hours later, Lauren sent me a screenshot of Graham’s Snap story.
There’s only one way Graham could know the heart rate of a small dog on coke: slipping some to Dobby and then having him wear Graham’s Garmin watch.
So what do we do now? It’s every parent’s worst nightmare—their dog on coke. Obviously, someone has to intervene with him. Who wants to do it, though, when he might tear off your hand? Did you watch the video?
His Smile Lit Up a Room and Other Things to Say at My Funeral 