I Am the Christmas Creep

When Dobby goes to the groomer, they always tie on him a little bandana in the spirit of whatever time of year it is. So yesterday, he got a fall bandana with pumpkins, gourds, and falling leaves. I was chopping vegetables for meals this week, and I had turned on a Christmas playlist. Graham wandered into the kitchen, heard the music, looked at Dobby, and said, “It’s fall, Dad. That’s why they tied a fall bandana on Dobby. Not a Christmas bandana, Dad.”

When he says sentences like this, he draws out the Daaaaaad with heavy d sounds and an elongated vowel. This signifies that I’m an idiot.

Graham has been fighting back against Christmas creep for close to two weeks now. In an all-time record for me, I played the first Christmas song of the season on November 6. My previous record was last year on November 15.

When I was a kid, turning on Christmas music this early would have been committing heresy against the family and treason against Thanksgiving. My mother railed against Christmas creep, defended the honor of Thanksgiving, and refused to play any Christmas music until the last Thanksgiving dish was in the dishwasher. Thanksgiving had feelings, you know, and most people just weren’t in tune to those. We would go into stores shortly after Halloween, and she would be outraged over Christmas displays. “We haven’t even had Thanksgiving yet! It’s all so commercial!” As a nation and a people, we all needed to focus more on giving thanks and a whole let less on what to buy.

You can imagine my surprise a few years ago when I FaceTimed my mother in early November and saw the Christmas tree up. When I challenged her on it, she indicated she had started decorating around Halloween. What????? And she confessed to watching Home Alone in July. July! But what about Thanksgiving?

“Christmas and Thanksgiving go great together. They are not in conflict.” My mother is not big on philosophy. When I asked how she could turn on what she had said before, she said simply, “We all keep growing as we age.”

I did not break from my upbringing until at least two years after that, and even then, it was to put Christmas music on during the week of Thanksgiving. Then, last year, I really broke with November 15, and now, there are no restraints. This has led to unending conflict with Graham.

“November 25, Daaaad. That’s when you can play Christmas music,” and “It’s fall, Daaaaad. Not Christmas-time.”

“Yeah, well, winter starts December 21, so under that logic, we’d have to wait till four days before Christmas to listen to any music and put up any decorations.”

“No, because you can put them up on Black Friday.”

“You know our neighbors had guys put up their lights in the first week of November.”

“You don’t see them on, though, do you?”

“And our friends on Sherwood put their Christmas tree up literally November 1 and they light it.”

“So if they jump off a cliff, we should too?”

Really. Straight for the ultimate parent slapdown? Go ahead, tell me I’ll shoot my eye out, Graham.

Meanwhile, might as well get used to those sleigh bells jingling in the car as we drive around town. And did you know that the official Red Ryder BB gun is on sale at Walmart right now? Might want to get one before Thanksgiving and the Black Friday rush. Just saying.