Straight Outta the Burbs

I confess we basically don’t parent Graham. For a few days, he’s been talking about how he is killing it in this sim game called Music Wars Rock Star. So we went out to dinner, and I got him to tell me all about it.

You create a character who is a rapper or singer, and you make up song titles and then a record label and you earn money in order to “fund” the promotions. Well, Graham discovered a glitch in the game that allows him to earn an infinite amount of money. So every time he releases a new “album,” he promotes it like crazy and it tops the charts.

So he tells me that his top hit, on the charts for 27 straight “weeks,” is called “Fuck Europe.” And I’m like, “Uh, what?”

“Well, they didn’t buy my other albums, so I made a diss track track aimed at the whole continent.”

“Um, ok.”

“Yeah, Latin America loves me.”

“Uh, great.”

“My rapper’s name is Lil Pebis.”

“With a ‘b’ as in ‘boy’?”

“Yes. His full name is Latavius Pebis.”

“Ok. Interesting.”

“He’s white with green hair and he’s pansexual.”

“Wow. That’s kind of amazing.”

“Are you so proud of me, Dad?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“My friend who plays too . . . his last album bombed.”

“Know what Lil Pebis and Drake have in common?”

“No idea.”

“They used their music to make it out of the burbs.”

“I see.”

“Dad, the thing about Drake now is he could drop an album of farts, and it would go number one.”

“Probably true.”

Two days later, my phone lights up with this screenshot:

And then comes this text: I am literally Drake.